The Insanity!
by livvykitty
Summary: The nations have been randomly put into parodies of Film Cow shorts! Oh noes! Might continue if requested to.


**A/N: What is this? A bunch of Film Cow parodies in a one shot! \ \ (^-^ )/ / YAY! RANDOMNESS ABOUNDS! **

**Disclaimer: Let me make this simple- Me no own Hetalia. Me no own Film Cow shorts. Do you understand?**

* * *

_**England the Nation 1 (parody of Charlie the Unicorn) **_

England was sitting down in the meadow, just enjoying a little TLC outside. He was about to take a nap when:

"Iggy! Hey Iggy, wake up!" England cracked an eye open to see America and Italy standing there, grinning.

"What do you want?" England groaned. "Is the Tower of London on fire?"

"No, silly! We found a map!" Italy said, waving a piece of paper around.

"To where?" England questioned. "Buried treasure?" England let his pirate side leak through for just a moment.

"Nope! To Candy Mountain!" America grinned. England's eye twitched.

"Come with us!" Both hyperactive idiots- err, _nations_ said in unison.

"… No. I'm going to go back to sleep now." England was just about to close his eyes when something extremely heavy started to jump on him.

"NOOOOOOO! Come with us, Iggy!"

"Yeah, England!" Italy added. "It's a land of sweets and joy… and joyness!"

"Stop jumping on me, you bloody tosser!"

"Candy Mountain~ Candy Mountain~"

"FINE!" England finally caved in. "I'LL GO WITH YOU TO THE BLEEDING MOUNTAIN!"

THIS IS A RANDOM LINE!

"Lalala, la la la." Both happy nations sang.

"SHIUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!"

"Hey, there's our first stop!" America pointed ahead to a giant, slimy… thing. "It's a Leoplurodon!"

"A MAGICAL Leoplurodon!" Italy added happily. "It's going to guide our way to Candy Mountain!" The thing grunted.

"IT HAS SPOKEN! It has shown us the way~" America sang.

"IT DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!" England yelled after the two speeding nations. Soon they came to an unsafe wooden bridge. "There isn't any Candy Mountain you prats!"

"Shun the non-believer Italy!" America said.

"SHUUUUUUUUUUN~!" Italy yelled.

"Is anyone else covered in bloody splinters?" England asked.

"Iggy! Iiiigggyyyy~! IIIIIIGGGGGYYY~!" America yelled.

"WHAT?" England was quickly losing his patience.

"… We're on a bridge, Iggy!" England really wanted to throw America off the bridge at that point. They walked and then came to Candy Mountain. Well, that's what the sign said.

"Well I'll be damned. There actually is a Candy Mountain." England said.

"Go into the Candy Cave, England~" Italy sang.

"Yeah, go into the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Iggy~ Magical wonders are to behold when you enter!"

"No." England replied. Then the letters on the sign making up 'Candy' grew arms and legs and started dancing and singing:

"Oh when you're down and looking for some cheering up,

Then just head on up to the Candy Mountain Cave,

When you're inside you'll find yourself in a cheery land,

They got lollipops and gummy drops,

And candy things,

Oh so many things that will brighten up your day!

It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town,

It's a mecha of the Candy Cave!

They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats,

Candy bats, chocolate rats,

It's a wonderland of sweets!

Take a train and hear the candy band,

Cherry rivets stream across the sky into the ground,

In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free!

So please England, please go into the cave!"

Then the letters all exploded. "Alright, fine, I'll go into the bloody Candy Cave." England sighed. He went inside while America and Italy giggled like Russia.

"Good bye, England~" Italy sang. Was that a Yandere smile I saw?

"Bye Iggy!" America said. Another Yandere smile…

"Good bye, what?" England looked puzzled. Then the cave closed off. Footsteps were heard and England was knocked out.

HI! I'M A LINE! I'M BORING!

"Huh?" England woke up in the same meadow as before and felt a sharp pain in his side. He looked and saw stitches. "BLOODY HELL! THEY TOOK MY KIDNEY!"

Moral: The cute and innocent ones are the ones that will steal your internal organs.

* * *

_**Crazy People 1 (Parody of Marshmallow People)**_

"Man, there is nothing to do!" Spain yelled to the heavens.

"Damnit! Right now, I am SOOOOO _bored_!" Romano said. He started to scream out of boredom.

"Wow, Roma!" Spain said while touching Romano's face. "Your face is really soft~"

"… Tomato Bastard, we need to get out of here."

LINE!

"… Anything?" Spain asked.

"NO!" Romano yelled, exasperated.

"The bull isn't working!" Spain said, looking at the ground from his flying bull.

"WE NEVER COME UP WITH GOOD IDEAS ON THE FUCKING BULL!"

"Well what else can we do?" Spain asked.

"Something that isn't _STUPID_!" Romano flailed his arms.

"Let's just set some fires, or something."

"WE ALWAYS SET FIRES!" Romano pushed Spain off.

"AHHHHHhhhh…"

"I know! Let's visit the albino bastard!"

LINES ROCK!

"Hey, albino bastard!" Romano yelled.

"Are you home, Prussia, Mi Amigo?" Spain asked. How did he survive the fall? Oh well…

"I'm a nation!" Sealand said while magically appearing.

"WHOA! WHOA!" Spain yelled.

"No you're not, mini bastard!" Romano yelled at a frowning Sealand.

"We want an actual nation!" Spain said harshly.

"Aww, but I'm really a nation!" Sealand protested.

"NO! NO, YOU ARE NOT!" Spain yelled, already annoyed at the mini nation.

"Whoa, my face IS soft!" Romano said in an OOC moment while rubbing his face. Then, Prussia flew in on his flying surfboard.

"AWESOMENESS!" Prussia yelled and jumped off as the surfboard exploded. "The awesome me just surfed around the world!" Then… Romano took out a knife and started stabbing him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Spain yelled.

"I HAVE NO IDEA! I HAVE NO IDEA!" Romano yelled while the blood kept getting on him.

"Everyone! ONTO THE BULL!" Spain yelled.

THELINEROCKS!

"GREAT! Now we're kidnappers!" Spain said.

"Sorry, but I was just… SO BORED!" Romano said.

"I know. I know." Spain said, slinging an arm around Romano's shoulders. "… I'm still totally bored."

"I can feel my Prussian awesomeness leaking out of my body!" Prussia yelled.

"I took over an island once!" Sealand said.

"NOBODY CARES, MINI BASTARD!" Romano yelled.

"Listen," Spain whispered. "Let's just drop them into a ravine, and set fireworks inside a church or something."

"Sounds lame, but whatever." Romano whispered back.

"Ugh…" Sealand had blood dripping down his chin. "Am I a nation yet?"

"What the- DID YOU _EAT _THE ALBINO BASTARD?" Romano yelled. Prussia had a big chunk of flesh missing from his arm.

"Now he's a part of me FOREVER!" Sealand said.

"Why did we never think of EATING people?" Spain asked.

"I bet they taste fantastic with tomatoes! Our entire week is set!" Romano said excitedly.

"YAY, I'm AWESOME!" Sealand said. Romano pushed him. "NOOOOoooooo…"

"And… Into the ravine…" Spain said.

Moral: Boredom makes you do CRAZY things.

* * *

_**Nations (Parody of Ferrets) **_

America sniffled.

"What's wrong, America?" Canada appeared randomly. "You look sad."

"I am sad." America admitted.

"Oh no! That's terrible."

"Yeah."

"Well, you know what? When I'm sad, I sing about the things that make me happy." Canada said. Then he started singing. "An apple pie, a bright blue sky. A breezy meadow in July, an ice cream bar, a shooting star, and the sound of a steel guitar."

"I love all of those things too!" America smiled.

"I love the sound of rain, wearing a hat and cane, a Tiffany windowpane lovely to see~ Frost on a windowsill, the feel of a dollar bill, and vacations in Brazil fill me with glee. These are all the little things that make me smile. This is all the stuff that makes life worth while! Everybody knows the Holocaust was a lie~ So let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy~"

"Wait, what was that about the Holocaust?" America looked confuzzled.

Canada ignored America. "A strip of lace, a pretty face~ Ugandan Swill makes the case~! Counting sheeps and Froggy leaps~ touching America inappropriately while he sleeps~"

"WAIT, WHAT?" America screamed. Well, you would too if you found out your innocent BROTHER was pulling a France off on you while you're asleep!

"I love the feel of grain~ The screams of a man in pain~ Blood coming down like rain, showering me~! That everlasting thrill, during the final kill~ Dumped the body in a landfill got off Scott free!"

"O.O" That was America's face at the moment.

"These are all the little things that make me smile~ These are all the little things that make life worth while~ One day I will eat your brain and it'll be great! So let's sing about the things we like and meet your fate~" America looked at his brother. Here's his face: "O_o"

"That was, uh… great…" America said. "Thanks… You really… uh, cheered me up."

"YOU WHORE!" Canada yelled and slapped America.

Moral: Canada will kill us all.

* * *

_**Nations with Weapons (Parody of Llamas with Hats 1-3)**_

"Ruuuussiiiaaaa! There's a dead German in our house!" Lithuania scolded the 'innocent' nation as he pointed to a dead and handless Prussia.

"Oh, hey, how did he get here?" Russia asked innocently. He hid his pipe behind his back.

"Ruuuussiaaa, what did you do?" Lithuania didn't really want to know, but this was _Russia_. He'd put you in a hospital for just looking at him.

"Me? I didn't do this." Russia said, tilting his head to the side.

"Explain what happened Russia!" Lithuania stomped his foot.

"I've never seen this person in my life!" Russia defended, pouting.

"Why did you KILL this person, Russia?" Lithuania was getting annoyed at the tall nation.

"I do not kill people. That is my least favorite thing to do." Russia stated. He almost looked convincing. Almost.

"Tell me, Russia. Exactly what were you doing before I got home." Lithuania demanded.

"I was at the window, tending to my sunflowers, when this guy walked in…" Russia said.

"Okay." Lithuania sighed. This was finally getting somewhere!

"So I went up to him and stabbed him thirty seven times in the chest with my pipe."

"…" Lithuania shuddered. "Ruuuussiiiaaaa! That KILLS people!"

"Really?" Russia asked, eyes widening. "I didn't know that!"

"How could you NOT know that?"

"Well, I am in the wrong comrade." Russia stated, still maintaining an innocent appearance.

"… Where are his hands?" Lithuania asked, finally noticing that Prussia was both dead and _handless_.

"Well, I cooked them and ate them with vodka." Russia said.

"Russia!"

"What? My tummy was making rumblies-"

"RUSSIA!"

"That only hands would satisfy." Russia finished.

"Russia, what is wrong with you?"

"Well, I kill people and eat hands." Russia said casually. "That's two things."

LINE (**WARNING: OOC RUSSIA AND YANDERE LITHUANIA AHEAD!**) LINE!

Both nations were in the life boats. "Lithuania! What was all of that?" Russia asked, both horrified and sickened. And that is NOT an easy thing to do, let me tell you.

"I'm not sure what you're referring to." Lithuania tilted his head to the side.

"You SUNK an entire cruise ship, Lithuania!" Russia said accusingly.

"Are you sure that was me sir? I think I would remember something like that." Lithuania said, blinking.

"Lithuania, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!"

"Oh, that sounds dangerous, sir!" Lithuania looked innocent. So innocent…!

"You were kicking CHILDREN off the ship!" Russia waved his arms.

"Those poor children!"

"And you were making out with the ice sculptures!"

"… Thank God the children weren't on board to see that." Then, Russia noticed something that may or may not be important…

"Uh… Comrade, why is the lifeboat red and sticky?"

"Well, I guess you _could_ say that it's red and sticky!" Lithuania looked down in (fake) awe.

"Lithuania, what in the name of vodka are we standing in?"

"Would you believe its red wine?" Lithuania asked.

"Nyet."

"Melted gumdrops?"

"Nyet!

"Some of the Lord's tears?"

"For the love of- NYET NYET NYET!"

"Fine…" Lithuania sighed. "… It's the lovely German couple from room 2-D."

"… LITHAUNIA!"

"What? They were taking the beer and wurst. And the annoying albino wife of the Nazi wouldn't stop screaming he was awesome." Lithuania shrugged.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing… Wait, where are the other lifeboats?" Russia found something else he probably should have seen in the first place.

"You won the prize, sir! I didn't notice."

"Where are the other life boats, Lithuania?"

"Well," Lithuania looked at the sky. "From the projectory of the moon and the sun, I'd say at the bottom of the ocean."

"… Lithuania!"

"Shhh, sir! Do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."

"Nyet, Lithuania. That's the sound of people drowning."

"That's what forgiveness sounds like! Screaming and then silence."

LINE! (THE ROLES ARE BACK TO NORMAL!) LINE!

"RUSSIA, WE'RE _SUPPOSED_ TO BE ON VACATION!" Lithuania started to spazz out.

"I do not know about you, but I'm having a _wonderful_ time here!" Russia smiled innocently enough.

"You TOPPLED the American government, Russia!"

"The people have spoken! Da zdravstvuet soprotivlenie!" Lithuania, knowing a tinge of Russian, translated that he said, 'Long live the resistance!'

"You pushed the resistance leader into a _giant fan_!" Lithuania was forever confused as to how Russia got a hold of that in the first place…

"He was a traitor and a scoundrel." Russia's face became serious.

"He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into the giant fan!"

Something kicked against Russia's stomach.

"That was a foot. It appears I have swallowed an entire person." Russia stated mildly.

"_That_ would be the hotel bartender." Lithuania said, feeling rapidly sick.

"Well, that explains what's taking my vodka so long!" Russia smiled.

"It was _horrifying_. Your mouth unhinged like a _snake_." Lithuania looked like he was going to throw up any moment.

"That sounds really, how Prussia says, 'awesome'."

"I can't go anywhere with you, Russia!" Lithuania threw up his hands in frustration.

"Comrade that hurt my feelings. Now we're both in the wrong."

"I want to go home! We're leaving!"

"In that case, you should know I filled our luggage with hobo meat."

Lithuania stopped in his tracks.

"W-_what_?"

"Well, I'm building a meat sunflower and not just any meat will do."

Lithuania stared at him blankly. "You know what, I'm not shocked anymore."

"Aw, that's no fun, comrade!" Russia pouted.

"This has become the _norm_ for you, Russia."

"I'll have to try harder next time."

"Please, _don't_." Lithuania prayed.

"I feel like I've been issued a challenge."

"Russia!"

"It's too late now! …You!" Russia frowned slightly.

"You?

"I don't remember your human name. And I really want to use it!"

"We've known each other for _centuries_, Ivan!"

"Quite the impression you made!"

"My name is Torris."

"… What?" Russia seemed shocked.

"I said, 'My name is Torris.'!"

"Oh…" Russia looked down at his feet. "I thought you were a girl."

"Why would you think _that_?" Lithuania looked enraged.

"Mostly the hair… Are you sure you're not a girl?"

"Yes, I am sure!"

"Well, I've got pictures to delete off my computer." And with that, Russia walked away.

Moral: … Honestly, I can't think of one. Don't base gender on hairstyle?

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… **Um… Review? ^^'**


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